Blog

 

Fear

The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Maybe it is the time of the year with the long dark nights and the grey days or maybe it is just me…

Now that I cannot distract myself anymore with equipment choices or decisions about what I want to focus on (see my last blog post) I feel a bit lost and maybe even trapped…easy prey for the fear. It is that irrational fear, the fear that makes you wonder if you are really ‘good enough’ and not just a stupid dreamer…

It is the fear that turns good things into nightmares, it is the BUT  and the What if  behind every success. It makes me freeze with terror, unable to get the things done I need to and want to do.

What if the customers who just chose 2 of my pictures for their living room wall will not be happy with the final prints?

What if the magazine is postponing my interview because they have changed their mind and would rather not publish it? Or even worse, what if their readers will not find it interesting at all?

What if I am going to fail miserably at my presentation for the Connected 2018 exhibition? Yes, I can easily I imagine that all people are going to leave the room while I am talking…too much imagination can be quite destructive…

What if the magazine that would like to feature my ‘Transcending’ project will be disappointed with my essay and decide to not feature it after all?

It is the fear that tries to convince me that all my efforts are useless anyway, that my work is not good enough, not special enough. That no matter how many magazine features there will be, I am not getting any customers who will actually pay for my work. That no matter how much people like my pictures on Social Media, they only do that because they somehow like me or I liked some of their work – which by the way I only do when I really like something and without expecting anyone to like some of mine in exchange.

It is the fear that gives me plenty of reasons why I should not even try to approach galleries or potential customers directly…from just being a nuisance and appearing desperate to the fact that my work probably only appeals to a small number of customers anyway.

Today I feel completely paralyzed by this fear and my only hope is that by writing it down I will find a way out! Because who would work with someone who is paralyzed by fear… But what if it is a really bad idea to write about it publicly…

 

 

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Melita January 31, 2018  at  17:38 Reply

    This was amazing on so many levels Isabel. It took courage to write about those feelings and putting them out there to the world makes us feel vulnerable, yet that is the exact point at which real growth and change happens. I too have similar doubts and fear, currently mine is that I am putting my photography out there everyday and yet I feel that no-one really notices me, its like I'm invisible. I wish you strength to conquer that inner fear, and to believe in your gift, keep showing up with your photographs for the world to see as it truly is beautiful. x

    • Isabel January 31, 2018  at  18:02 Reply

      Thank you so much for your words of courage...it helps to hear that I am not alone.
      I know that some people will think these fears are stupid and irrational or you ‘just’ need to do something...but they are real for me as much as yours are real. We will conquer them hopefully :-)

  2. John January 31, 2018  at  18:48 Reply

    I very much agree with the comments below :-)
    It takes alot of courage to admit that we have these fears and also alot of courage to express this to the World.
    Well done you for doing both!
    You expressing will I am sure help many people to realize that they are not alone...not the only ones feeling these feelings of fear and self doubt.
    What is encouraging is that your fears never stop you from pursuing your goals...your dreams...maybe they do temporarily...but you fight back and push forward...you overcome them and move forward.That also takes alot of strength and courage.
    Fear is good in the sense that it highlights things/feelings within ourselves and gives us a chance to overcome them and move forward...it is not a reflection of lack of talent.
    Fear and doubt is so common among creative people...I have many fears too as you know ;-) and I am certain many people will relate to what you have written and gain alot of strength from it.
    Thankyou for expressing Isabel!

  3. Frank February 10, 2018  at  12:12 Reply

    Isabel,
    You are an exceptional person with an exceptional talent. Your execution is also superb even if you tend to perfectionism. All is fine and there is no reason to be afraid. However, you need to accept that the commercial issues are part of the challenge and the journey. You can’t fail if you take this on and there is still us who will always support you no matter what. Grab the bull by the horns, Frank

    • Isabel March 21, 2018  at  06:42 Reply

      Thank you so much - there are no words to express how grateful I am for all the support I get. Have a big hug instead! :-)

  4. Louis Sousa March 15, 2018  at  16:54 Reply

    Isabel, we all are saddled with similar anxiety. From my perspective and without minimizing your feelings you should be fearlessly proud of this brilliant body of work. It takes an immense degree of courage to "put one's soul" out for others to see. You do this with every image. One's images are the mirror to one's soul, and yours is bountiful and intensely expressive. I have your blog pasted to the top of my browser and visit it often with great anticipation. Looking forward to your next post. L.

    • Isabel March 21, 2018  at  07:15 Reply

      Dear Louis, thank you so very much for your support - it means so much more to me than you will ever know and I cannot put it in words.
      So I am sending a big hug instead :-)
      New blog post coming later today ;-)

        • Isabel March 21, 2018  at  13:17 Reply

          ☺️

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""><abbr title=""><acronym title=""><b><blockquote cite=""><cite><code><del datetime=""><em><i><q cite=""><strike><strong>